Empty Nest

There are some things that hit you hard that you think you're prepared for, and this is one of them. The empty nest is what most people refer to it as. This past week has been one of the most emotional times I can remember. When the oldest left for college, she was only an hour away, and sometimes not even that. When she graduated, she didn't come back home to live, she had her own apartment, and the whole "leaving the home" idea was a gradual one. When she said she was going to Brazil, we checked into cell phone coverage and internet services, and found we can communicate through Skype. Between email and chatting and voice messages through Skype, we stay in touch. The youngest, however, graduated high school and his college is 8 hours and 4 minutes away if you drive non-stop. We still haven't been able to attain the record that Mapquest set; our best being 9 and 1/2.

I don't know if more time after graduation would have prolonged the ache, or if it would have been any easier to let go. All I know is that I find myself crying randomly throughout the day, and even now as I write. I miss my kids.

Looking back, they were my main focus for the past 20 some years. They are grown and getting on with their lives, and it's my focus that needs to change. I email and chat and make calls on the cell phone, and I suppose it is the next best thing to being there, but it sure isn't the same.

What hit home was when I went up to the bedroom that he used to occupy, playing XBox or Playstation games with his friends, sending internet messages, or watching t.v......... and saw wall-to-wall carpet that had been vacuumed and an empty closet. Some people try to offer comfort reminding me that the empty bedroom is not a granite stone. Although truth is in those words, comfort is hard to find.

Today I will put on my happiest face I can muster. Tomorrow maybe I can take a few steps toward change.